Each Month, The Kathleen Nicole Blog will feature and highlight a Black Woman Writer. This month, Tay’Sha gives us an authentically passionate look at her conversation with Fear.
C’mon over here! I’ve been waiting for so long to have an intimate conversation with you and damn it the time is finally here. See, I’ve traveled in my mind through history and recognize the many days and ways that you tried me. I mean, you gave it your all to silence me through pain, for your own gain. But Baby listen, a new day is here! I was enslaved in a mental prison and I have opened my eyes. The enlightenment is real!
I forgive myself for even giving honor to God who’s the head of my life while in my head and bed I was with you. Cause I found out that you’s a fuckin lie! Ha, you tried it and you came for me without warning. You built your castle on seas of unforgiveness in my heart, when I didn’t have enough water in my well to tear you down. But now, there’s a reckoning happening offshore cause fear, you don’t phase me anymore.
I let you pay rent far too long and even you knew the lease was broken. Lawd, I done signed on the wrong line by giving you the authority to take up space here. To hell with you and your subliminal control. Run me my keys! As a matter of fact, keep’em cause I done changed the locks, and this time I hold the master key. You’ve been taking up space in the closets of my life and adding items to a wardrobe that I was never fit for. Look at me now! I’ve done a Clark Kent on your ass and I’m barely recognizable. Yes, you see the red bottoms that I paid for; those are for the years that Momma whispered in my ear. “Baby, don’t let your left hand know what your right hand is doing.” But subconsciously I substituted “hand” with the word Mind. That ain’t the only jewel she left behind. She also told me to always keep a stash for them rainy days cause she’d lived through her own.
Just so you know, I was listening! This time around…I’m stepping out like I got some sense, some wisdom, and some experience! I’ve got a birthright to my emancipated mind and it’s about time that I act like it. My ancestors already paid my ransom, and I don’t owe you a godamn dime! I’m free to be me unapologetically. I know your goal was to keep me in bondage until you branded me at the opportune time. Naw, I stopped drinking the Kool aid cause adding sugar was costly to my lifeline and that ain’t sweet! I’m gone mix and pour my own drink! I’m gone listen to my intuition, say my prayers, speak life-affirming words and pull from the treasure of life set before me.
Fear, we needed this confrontational conversation. I let you speak subconsciously while my voice trembled inside, knees knocked, and tiptoed around the floor of my destiny. I’m coming for the best of me and I’m doing it fearlessly! It’s about time that I left you speechless in my beautiful mind. You heard me right the first time. This is my life wide open as you dared me to move. Well, I’ve come to terms with my truth and this version is now closed-captioned.