“Before you can change the world around you, you must learn to change the worlds within you”Unknown
As I evolve emotionally and energetically, I’ve established my own version of golden rules when dealing with people. As a result, I’m more compassionate toward others, I’ve learned the value of establishing clear boundaries in my relationships, and I have far fewer expectations of others. Overall, I’m happier and my relationships though few, are real and true.
There are 3 golden rules for dealing with people that will make your life SO much easier. The more you adhere to these rules, the better off you’ll be. They are; See, Accept, and Decide.
You must see people as they are, not as they pretend to be. As Maya Angelou said, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” So often we are fooled by the image, persona, and ego people project to the world. It will serve you well to learn to see beyond what meets the eye. Additionally, we tend to see people not as they are, but as we want them to be or believe they should be. Often, especially in romantic relationships we fall in love with someone’s potential instead of who they presently are. It is important to see the truth of who people are, as they are. Don’t lie to yourself or let others lie to you about who and what they are. Pray for insight, discernment, and intuitive knowledge to see the truth.
Once you see the truth of who people are, you must accept it. An elder once told me, “De-Nile” is not just a river in Egypt”. It’s one thing to not see the truth, but it’s entirely different to see it and pretend it isn’t there. When you “see” someone don’t stick your head in the proverbial sand. Once you see the truth of who someone is, accept it. Don’t wish or hope for them to be different. Don’t be in denial about who they are. Accept it, no matter how ugly or sad it is. Cheryl Strayed explains, “Acceptance asks only that you embrace what’s true”. When this embrace occurs, freedom from the prison of should haves, could haves and might have been occurs. Acceptance also breeds compassion. Because you don’t place any unfair or unrealistic expectations based on what you believe people should be, you learn compassion and offer grace. When you understand how hard it is to change, and come to the realization that people truly are doing the best they can, acceptance becomes easier.
Once you see people for who they are and come to a place of complete acceptance, that is when you take full ownership and decide how you will deal with people. You decide to what extent you want to relate to them, if at all. This is where you establish boundaries to protect yourself and your energy. One of my favorite quotes is, “You are allowed to change the price of what it costs to access you”. This goes for family members as well, because “blood ain’t thicker than peace“. This allows one to relinquish the victim role. No one does anything to you or treats you in any way that you haven’t ultimately allowed. You get to decide who has access to your time, resources, energy and spirit. Sometimes you have to leave people right where they are. You don’t have to justify your decision to anyone. The result? You experience more peace and self-determination and a lot less drama.
It goes without saying that implementing these rules is easier said than done. But by following the Kathleen Nicole Golden Rules for dealing with people, you can begin to practice seeing, accepting and deciding with the individuals currently in your life and with those who will come into your life in the future. In time, by continually placing more trust in your highest truth, you will live a life that truly honors you.
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