“If we want to make significant quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms”Steven Covey
We live our lives based on long held beliefs that we have accepted as truth. That is a paradigm. The good news? Paradigms can shift. The bad news? It’s hard as hell for that shift to occur. The first step is realizing that a paradigm is no longer serving you…say what now? The way I’ve always viewed the world and myself is wrong? Yes. If it’s not producing the results you desire.
I’ve always been told how important it is to be humble. Humility was lumped into the group of admirable qualities I should strive to embody. Not only is it good to be humble, but it’s also living like a true Christian, with Jesus serving as the greatest example of humility. I was taught that being anything other than humble would ensure a fall from Grace and would all but guarantee a life filled with blessings. That was my paradigm.
But living a humble life wasn’t producing the results I desire. I wasn’t satisfied. I was internally conflicted about who I was. And these blessings? They were looking an awful lot like crumbs instead of the cake I desired to devour. I had to take a look at my paradigm. And my first step was to google the definition of humble.
Humble, by definition is “having or showing a modest or low estimate of one’s own importance”. No wonder I felt conflicted within and was at war with myself. I was trying to live a life where I willingly chose to have and show a low estimate of my importance. Some of the synonyms for humble are self-deprecating, self-effacing, and servile. Self-deprecating is the act of belittling or undervaluing oneself. Self-effacing is to act in such a way as to avoid drawing attention to oneself or making oneself noticeable. Servile is having or showing an excessive willingness to serve or please others.
In essence, by pure definition, when someone wants you to be humble, they want you to do the following:
- Have a low estimate of your importance
- Show a low estimate of your importance
- Belittle yourself
- Undervalue yourself
- Avoid making yourself noticeable
- Avoid drawing attention to yourself
- Have an excessive willingness to please others.
Why on earth would anyone want to be humble? Yet, that is how I was raised to be. My god, it sucks. Let me be the first to tell you. Just by teaching me to be humble, the world didn’t have to tear me down, because I willingly did it to myself.
Now, you’ll say, well no one likes an arrogant, haughty woman either. Let’s define arrogant. Arrogant means, “having or revealing an exaggerated sense of one’s own importance or abilities”. Haughty means, “arrogantly superior or disdainful”. Disdainful means, “showing contempt or lack of respect”. But if I’m the shit and I’m not exaggerating it, then by definition, I’m not being arrogant. If I pretend to be good at something and I’m not, then I’m arrogant. If I act as if I’m better and I’m actually not, then I’m haughty. If I’m respectful, then I’m not filled with disdain.
I don’t want to be humble nor deemed to be humble EVER again. But I would like to be gracious and grateful. I would like to be self- empowered and self-confident. I want to love myself enough to NEVER have or show a low estimate of my importance or value. I also want to love myself enough to NEVER have to prove it either. I want to just BE me, in peace and gratitude. That’s my new paradigm. Those are my new beliefs, firm foundation and truth.