We live by the motto, “What doesn’t kill you, only makes you stronger”. But contrary to popular belief, just because you survived something, doesn’t necessarily make you strong. You aren’t stronger if what didn’t kill you made you bitter, resentful, jealous, spiteful, and angry. Are you really a strong woman if you make it through every day, but you do so wearing a mask, riddled with sickness, excess weight, a wounded womb and nonexistent smile? Did the nonkilling truly make you stronger?
We have placed such value on being strong, but we have made the grave mistake of equating strength with a mere survival from day to day, despite how haggard and unhealthy that survival looks. It is time we redefine what true survival and strength looks like. Being strong doesn’t mean suffering day in and day out after a survival. Being strong doesn’t mean dragging yourself through life with a deep and unending sadness in your heart. We all have war stories. Each of us has experienced inexplicable sorrows and undeserving traumas. And we have survived them. Because we are here. But that is not enough.
I don’t want to know what you have managed to survived. I want to know what you have transcended and what levels of self-mastery you have attained. I want to hear about the resulting triumph. I don’t want to know that you made it through. I want to know where you’ve gone and who you’ve become after you’ve made it through. Are you stuck in the in-between space of what you’ve gone through and where you can go next? Have you made a forever home in the survival stage of your journey, constantly attending to your wounds? Are you content with just knowing you survived what should have killed you, or are you ready to transcend and triumph over what should have killed you, master yourself and experience radical self-love and a peace no devil can destroy? These are tough questions to ask yourself. It’s a very hurting thing to take a look at where you are and admit that not only don’t you belong there, but it is only because of you that you remain right where you are. It is easy to convince ourselves that we are ok. That it could be worse. But nothing is worse than not loving who you are or where you are. Nothing is worse than denying yourself the experience of discovering your greatest truth and knowing true happiness.
We have to start somewhere, and I have the perfect place to begin. My e-book, The Black Girl’s Guide to Radical Self-Love is available for download and will provide a perfect blueprint to find your true strength and transcend survival to experience triumph. Click here to download today.